My Little Real Live Pony

You can't have read comics from a certain period and not be aware of the "sell stuff to get cool prizes" ads that populated comic books:


Comic book ads circa 1976-1978

Yes, all sorts of riches beyond the dreams of boys and girls could be had by selling greeting cards or address labels or garden seeds: bikes, sports equipment, guitars, watches, radios, cameras, and the 1968 Presidency. But quite possibly the most extraordinary prizes you could get would be had by selling, door-to-door (or, conning your gramma into buying the whole lot) easy-to-use, fragrant, delicious Cloverine Salve, the all-purpose petroleum lubricant for protecting skin, leather (which, for cows, is skin) and (apparently) cotton balls!


Ad from Batman #90 (March 1955)

Yes, you could be the first in your neighborhood to get this junk keen stuff! Because when you sold Cloverine (in the easy-to-open and complicated-to-close tin), you could earn such amazing booty as a dolly, a light-up bunny, and...

A REAL LIVE PONY

Imagine the shrieks of joy echoing through the household as your real live pony drops through the mail slot and clops through your home, surprising Mom as she's dishing up a typical 1950s breakfast of toast, eggs, bacon, sausage, donuts, coffee, juice, Kellogg's Corn Flakes, Kellogg's Pep, Kellogg's Wheat Krispies, and Uranium-240! Just picture riding to school on your own real live pony! Consider that you live in a three-floor walk-up in downtown Canarsie before you order this thing! What's more...you can fight a gorilla with it! (Actual pitting of gorilla versus pony is not recommended; see your local animal care laws and statutes; gambling upon outcome of gorilla versus pony fight not legal in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut.)



Yes, once again, it's

A REAL LIVE PONY

Also, you could get The Bible, which would eliminate your need to steal one from a hotel. Cloverine Salve can save you from the burning fires of Hell!



All this and a bucket of oats could be yours by selling non-greasy, camphory, slick, delicious Cloverine Salve! It's a medical ointment and a koala aphrodisiac!



And, wouldja believe, that Cloverine is still available today, in our fast-paced world of fax machines, digital calculators, and anti-gravity trams?



Yep, Cloverine is sold today on Amazon.com. And you know what that means...Jeff Bezos has all the free ponies in the world!

Also, Cloverine would like to remind you



Surrrrre you are, guys. Let's just see how many of those ponies are still alive before you make that claim, okay?