Friday, June 02, 2006

Who's in your League?

Much better than the movie League I'm pleased as punch, chuffed as a chicken, and just all-around tickled pink that Wildstorm is bringing out a new League of Extraordinary Gentlemen graphic novel from Misters Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill this November (yes, Alan, I know you're not happy with DC, but I'll buy this and I'll buy 'em when they come out from Top Shelf, 'kay? Deal? Please don't put that wizard hex on me!)

I'm 'specially intrigued that the new story's gonna take place in a different time period than the rip-roaring Victorian era of the originals:
England in the mid 1950s is not the same as it was....Now, after many years, the still youthful Mina Murray and a rejuvenated Allan Quaterman return and are in search of some answers...

Which got me to thinkin': Which famous literary and pop culture characters from the 1950s will make special guest appearances in this one? I'd like to see James Bond, Holden Caulfield, Wilbur and Charlotte, Jim Dixon, Ralph and Piggy, Fowler and Pyle. It's not really a League of Extraordinary Gentlemen without a new Invisible Man, so why not Ralph Ellison's? Criminal masterminds? None more dastardly than Hercules Grytpype-Thynne and Count Jim Moriarty! (And hey, do you think Moore can resist sneakin' in a cameo by Micky Moran?)

Whoever he puts in the mix, Alan Moore knows the score. But that got me scratchin' my little stuffed head and thinking...if I were putting together a modern-day League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, who would I include?

A few ground rules first, because it's easy to overpopulate a twenty-first century league with superhumans and adventure characters. As Moore himself points out, the adventure character wasn't invented in the Victorian Age, but it was certainly the Renaissance of fantastic literature and led to the explosion of the Golden Age of Superheroes. In this day and age following the rise of the adventure and comic heroes of the 1930s, it would be child's play to put together a kickass League of, oh, let's say, Batman, Captain America, Doc Savage, Zorro, Electra Woman and Nacho Libre.

But I'm gonna play fair. I'm gonna pick most of my modern-day league draft choices (and alternates) from non-superhero literature, and I'm going to place them within the heroic archetypes that together make up a interesting, caustic, effective and controversial League.

Sid HalleyFirst up: The Leader. There are all sortsa leaders, but in my league I want a solid but quiet man of adventure and action whose glory days are behind him due to age or infirmity, but who still finds himself battling bad guys single-handed—literally. In my book—and in the books of mystery master Dick Francis—that's got to be Sid Halley, moody but driven jockey turned private investigator after his hand is crippled in a gruesome steeple chasing accident. He's only one of two characters Francis has ever written multiple novels about (the other is young, more cheerful jockey Kit Fielding), and we're rewarded for it with the growth and evolution of Sid throughout the novels from Odds Against to Whip Hand to Coming to Grief and the new Dick Francis mystery coming out in the Fall of 2006, Under Orders. Sid's a grey man in a grey world who has accepted but never completely adjusted to the loss not only of his hand but of the joy and thrill of racing, and while the adrenaline he finds in chasing crime is no replacement, it's a start. Sid did some of his best work with cheerful and cocky sidekick Chico Barnes, so despite being a loner, he's an excellent if reluctant choice to lead the team and hold our League together. (A few alternate draft choices for the role: Spenser, Elvis Cole, Thomas Magnum.)

LovejoyThe Rogue: Every team needs a resident con-man, a wise-cracking connection to the underground, a lecher whose head is turned by a beautiful woman, a shady but chipper can-do character with the ability to get anything in a few hours (legal or illegal) and an encyclopedic knowledge of his various specialties. Put Jonathan Gash's art forger Lovejoy in this position: no friendship or alliance comes before his quest for the beauties of art and antiques, not for monetary gain, but for the sheer appreciation of craftsmanship and skill (and the desire to keep true art out of the hands of charlatans who don't appreciate it). He's got an ultra-keen mind and a sharp attention to detail, as well as being an expert forger and plotter—ideal for his role as the League's loose cannon. I've illustrated this section with a photo of TV Lovejoy Ian McShane, but don't mistake the roguish but loveable TV version of Lovejoy for the real thing: while McShane's portrayal of Lovejoy was fun and faceted, that ain't quite the real Lovejoy, who would swindle his best friends and pilfer the Louvre of its greatest treasure (leaving behind a perfect forged replica, of course), bed a friend's wife, and leave his partners and teammates behind in the pub while he motors away with his prizes. The literary Lovejoy even has a minor superpower the TV one didn't: the instinctive ability to tell if an antique or art object is real or forged by the chimes it rings in his body. Lovejoy's a solid addition to the League, but he's only got one man's goals in mind: his own. (Alternate draft choices: Danny Ocean, Sergeant Ernie Bilko)

HawkThe Muscle: You know every team needs one: the guy who's not afraid to get his hands dirty, who can make your problems go away if you turn your head and plug your ears, who knows where the bodies are buried and who buried 'em (him). He's not evil—he's a force of nature. If he's disciplined and on the side of the angels (although you'll never really know what side he's on), there's no one you'd rather have by your side. That's Hawk from Robert Parker's Spenser novels: a deadly master of armed and unarmed combat, a broad tower of strength and power, above the law but not above his own code of honor and duty: you are either with him or against him. Hawk's strong and quiet but not silent; if you know him he can disarm you as easily with a sharp grin and a wise word as he can by breaking your gun hand. If he misses his target, that's not what he was aiming at. At no time, ever, will he not look dangerous. There're few other people in his life that Hawk will swear his allegiance, skills, and life to: Spenser and Susan Silverman. To get him to join the League would be tough...but well worth having this man on your side; you don't want him against you. (Alternate draft choices: Tony Soprano, Joe Pike, O-Ren Ishii)

Hermione GrangerThe Woman of Mystery: She's smart. She's savvy. She's every bit the equal of a man, but because she's a woman, she's gotta work hard to prove it every day. She's Hermione Granger of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and even though she's just a teenager, she can turn you into a newt if you blink the wrong way at her. There's no more faithful and fierce teammate you want by your side, and she falls easily into a team dynamic; happy to not be the leader but scornful of foolish choices made by the men trying to order her about. In your darkest moment she'll figure out a way to get out of a predicament, and it's because she's got good old-fashioned book learnin' on her side. When you're fighting in a world of literary characters, what better power to have? (Alternate draft choices: Modesty Blaise, Beatrix Kiddo, Jessica Fletcher)

Steve ZissouThe Guy with a Boat: Every team needs one. Okay, okay, just because you're sitting there counting off on your fingers the number of teams that didn't have a guy with a boat...look, The Avengers didn't have a guy with a boat, and look what happened to them. Know why the Justice League broke up? They had a swimming guy, but no guy with a boat (nb: for purposes of argument, please ignore the Bat-Boat). The X-Men had a guy with a boat: remember Peter Corbeau? Sure you do. That's how the X-Men got to be the #1 name in team-action entertainment, baby! If you need to get from one place to another—and every international crimefighting team does—you need a guy with a boat. That boat's name is the Belafonte, and that guy's name is Captain Steve Zissou. He's an internationally famous oceanographer who is at home only on the sea. He battles sharks, rescues stranded snow mongooses, tackles ocean pirates, and faithfully subscribes to the "no man left behind" policy, even if that man left behind is his bond company stooge. He may not be the brains of Team Zissou, but no one can deny that he's the Steve. (Alternate choices: Skipper Jonas Grumby, Lt. Cdr. Quinton McHale, Captain Merrill Stubing, Captain Marko Ramius).

Whew! That's one mighty League, and I didn't even get a chance to fit in Easy Rawlins, Encyclopedia Brown, Denny Crane, Michael Corleone, Bridget Jones, Detective Lennie Briscoe, Norville Rogers, Arkady Renko, Johnny "Drama" Chase, Artemis Fowl, John Rebus, Dewey Finn, Veronica Sawyer, Alfie Elkins, Saffron Monsoon, Major Boothroyd, Arthur Dent, Clarice Starling, Samantha Jones, Sheriff Andy Taylor, Patrick Bateman, Marshall Flinkman, Ron Burgundy, Daisy Duke, Ennis Del Mar, Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries, Nick Naylor, Jim Phelps, Nelson Muntz, Owen Meany, or Stephanie Plum!

Oh well, maybe in the sequel.

Who's in your League?

Addition on 8/16/06: The follow-up, with many more Leagues suggested in the comments

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Zorro

He's the God damn Zorro.

Anonymous said...

If you can have Hermione Granger, then I can have Mary Poppins. She's practically perfect in every way, a good judge of character (thanks to her psychographic tape measure). She does practical magic. She flies. She doesn't tolerate nonsense. She leads.

The 'rogue' of my league is the erstwhile Ford Prefect (I just noticed after typing that that you mentioned Arthur!) But anyway, despite his orientation towards wild parties and general dissolution, there are issues that rile his sense of outrage--he can bring to bear his experience, cunning, and resourcefulness when he wants to.

For muscle, I call upon Tock the Watchdog, scourge of the Doldrums, denizen of the Lands Beyond, as steadfastly loyal a companion as one could hope for. Robust and wary, he doesn't suffer fools, keeps you on your toes when you start to lose the plot. Plus, no one else needs to carry a watch as long as he keeps himself wound.

Adding his good sword to the cause is the passionate, skillful, but currently rudderless Inigo Montoya, who combines heart, grim resolve, and a touch of whimsy in a masterful package.

The brains of the operation belong to the incomparable Willy Wonka who (sweets aside)clearly knows a lot more about how the world works, than he's generally given credit for--matter transmission, bizarre chemistry, and a spaceworthy elevator that can also pierce the veil of this reality.

Speaking of which, when Wonka's elevator runs out of buttons, the reserved but brilliant Meg Murry will be on hand to pick up the slack. Her psychic mojo is considerable, as are her math skills. She has powerful friends.

Bully said...

Whoa, fantastic selections all! I'm a big fan of all those characters too--I'd read that League!

Anonymous said...

Thenk yew! Me, Rather on the whimsical side, no?

I'm still getting a smile from imagining Hawk, Hermione, and Zissou on the same team.

Marc Burkhardt said...

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen -
1. The Leader - Doctor Who(Fourth, Fifth or Ninth incarnation. A bit on the eccentric side, but when he talks people listen.

2. The Rogue - Zachary Smith from Lost In Space. There's nobody more shifty, especially in the first season...

3. The muscle - Marv from Sin City. (A comic book true, but it ain't superheroes...) If he's disqualified, I'd go with Godzilla because nobody's that much stronger!

4. The Woman of Mystery - Jiao Long (Zhang Ziyi) from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

5. Guy With A Boat - Admiral Harriman Nelson from Voyage To The Bottom of The Sea. Big Irwin Allen influence on this list!

6. Bonus Brainy guy - Monk from the TV show Monk. Imagine him cleaning up after these guys!

Bully said...

Great choices, FK! Can't believe I didn't think of Jiao Long, Dr. Smith and Monk at all! And you're absolutely allowed Marv, altho' I think I'd like to see Godzilla as a team member myself!

Thanks!

Anonymous said...

I blogged my own (sci-fi) leage, Bully:

http://www.madprops.org/cs/blogs/mabster/archive/2006/06/06/5199.aspx

Anonymous said...

D'oh! How'd I manage to misspell "league"?

Matthew E said...

Here's my group; I might be able to improve on it with more thought, but maybe not.

Leader: Darryl Zero (from the movie Zero Effect), because he's a genius.

Rogue: Walter Slovotsky (from Joel Rosenberg's 'Guardians of the Flame' series), because all is well in any universe clever enough to contain Walter Slovotsky.

Muscle: Tiny Bulcher (from Donald Westlake's Dortmunder novels): the beast from forty fathoms.

Woman of Mystery: Veronica Mars (from the TV show of the same name), because she's always two steps ahead of the people who are two steps ahead.

Guy with a Boat: Sangamon Taylor (from Neal Stephenson's novel Zodiac), the Toxic Spider-Man.

Bully said...

Holy cow...did I start a meme?

Brilliant Leagues one and all...you are imaginative and creative people. Thanks for sharing!

Matthew E said...

I had some more thoughts about this... Did you realize that the A-Team fits this five-person team model perfectly? You have to change 'boat' to 'plane' to fit Murdock in, but other than that.

League of Extraordinary Canadian Gentlemen:

Leader: Dominic da Vinci, from the TV show 'Da Vinci's Inquest'. Hey, if he can be the mayor of Vancouver, he can run this team.

Rogue: Keycase Milne, the thief from Arthur Hailey's novel 'Hotel'.

Muscle: Buddy the goon from Warren Zevon's 'Hit Somebody (The Hockey Song)'.

Woman of Mystery: Victory Nelson, ex-cop vampire private detective from Tanya Huff's series of novels.

Guy with a Boat: Tractor Jack, from the Arrogant Worms song 'Pirates of the Saskatchewan' (in some performances of the song, he's called 'Captain Tractor').

(I'd love to find room on this team for Louie Ciccone from 'Seeing Things', Red Green, maybe the guy from Due South...)

I was toying with the idea of a non-modern-day Canadian League, but I just don't know enough Canuck pop-cultural references of the distant past; I had Sam Slick for the Rogue and Big Joe Mufferaw for Muscle, but that's where I stalled out.

Anonymous said...

I like all of your choices. Here is my team, all based on recent books and novels: Willard Stiles from The Ratman’s Notebooks by Gilbert Ralston (Rat Control), an older Charlie McGee from Firestarter by Stephen King (Pyrokinesis), Ishmael from Ishmael by Daniel Quinn (Super Strength, Telepathy, Genius), Severus Snape from Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling (Magic, Sorcery, Potions), Susan Fletcher from Digital Fortress by Dan Brown (Cryptographer, Mathematician), Ronin Samurai from Sensei by John Donohue (Fighter, Muscle, Stealth), an older George Shrinks from the children’s book George Shrinks by William Joyce (He is only three inches tall, so can be extremely useful), and Special Agent Mark Beamon from Rising Phoenix by Kyle Mills (Contortionist, Gadgets, Marksman, & the new leader of the new LXG).

This new LXG can fight against the Big Four from Agatha Christie’s novel by the same name. This villain group consists of a Chinese political/criminal mastermind, an American billionaire, an extraordinarily gifted French nuclear scientist, and a British assassin-master of disguise-skilled hand-to-hand combater.

Anonymous said...

After hearing about this, I was inspired -but instead of using literary characters I went with real-life people all in the same era. To fit various historical facts this League would take place in 1924.

The Leader: Now in his 60 frontier lawman Wyatt Earp would have the savvy and intellect to leag this crew.

The Rogue: Without a doubt useful in many circumstances and mysterious in his abilities, Harry Houdini would be a huge asset to this League.

The Muscle: I almost went with former heavyweight Jack Dempsey, but instead opted for Babe Ruth. Known for boozing and brawling, no one would want him coming at them with a bat.

Woman of Mystery: At this time, Amelia Earhardt was a pioneer for female pilots. She had set flying records and was one of two dozen licensed female pilots.

Guy with the Boat: William Sims had at this point been retired for two years from the Navy. Sims led the US naval forces abroad in WWI.

The Brains behind it all: Gen. John J. Pershing-leader all all US armies. "Blackjack" would have the connections and ability to pull this crew together with ease.

--My league however does not stop here. I have two more members.

Q: 007 needed his gadgets and our League would need one as well. Who better than Thomas Edison?

The Rookie: Still in law school and ready soon join the FBI, this League would have great impact on young Elliot Ness.

-Now if only they had an evil mastermind to thwart . . . .

Bill said...

Better late than never, here's my League:

The Leader - Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter series. Really the most obvious choice. Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, Supreme Mugwump of the Confederation of Wizards, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry. Turned down the position of Minister of Magic three times in order to teach fledgling wizards, and is the only man feared by Lord Voldemort, the most powerful Dark Wizard in history. His only weakness would be seeing the good in many of his fellow Leaguers, sometimes to a fault, but he’s definitely the top choice to lead the team.

The Rogue - Eddie Dean, Dark Tower series. A former junkie & drug runner turned gunslinger, Dean has a draw that’s almost as quick as his mouth. He has underworld ties that could still be used on missions, and has enough survival training from his days on the trail with Roland and the ka-tet that he could get the group out of most any situation. No pictures, but there's a decent sketch created for a proposed comic book series here.

The Woman of Mystery - Illyria, Angel. This Pure Demon has been reduced in power after her transferrence to Winifred Burkle, but still has superhuman strength, invulnerability, and enhanced senses. She also has mild shapeshifting ability, allowing her body, voice, and mannerisms to reflect those of Winifred, giving her an opportunity to blend in to a crowd much more easily than if she were in her demon form. She has shown signs of wanting to fight the good fight, but it’s still unknown whether these feelings are just a thirst for violence, a showing of the fragments of Winifred’s soul, or a true wish by Illyria to make the world a better place.

The Muscle - Danny the Dog, Unleashed. Raised like an animal, trained to kill, Danny is nearly superhuman when released from his collar. Has since been taught the essence of humanity, and could be a powerful force for good if placed under the guidance of Dumbledore.

The Driver - Matt Trakker, M.A.S.K. Has access to any form of transportation needed, whether it be ground, air, or water. Each vehicle also doubles has an alternate attack mode, so the entire League could be properly armed against any massive threat. Matt is personally also armed with a variety of Masks, high-tech headgear that give him abilities like energy blasts, holographic projections, and limited flight. These Masks could also be altered for use by the other members, if needed.

The Mastermind - The Wolf, Pulp Fiction. Taking on a role more along the lines of Bond than M, Wolf has the organizational skill to bring the group together, the cool calm demeanor to clean up any messes created by the group, and the financial backing necessary to get the job done. Where the money is coming from, though, remains a mystery.

Linda Corby said...

Interesting that you picked Sid out of the Dick Francis books because in Come to grief he was partially based on me in real life!
Only I am all woman,and also the Charactor Linda with the child with cancer in the same book.

Kid Terror said...

For a modern league I'd like to see:

Trying to stick mostly to literary characters mind you.

Mina and Allan still in charge

Harry Potter,
Tyler Durden,
an aging Hagbard Celine (from the Illuminatus Trilogy)
Philip K. Dick's The Golden Man (more or less controlled by Potter)

Unknown said...

Okay so I tried to do a League totally out of literature and I attempted to avoid Harry Potter, as much as I love Potter, it would be hard to make a League and not include that whole encompassing universe Rowling created. So anyway, here is my League trying to follow the rules as closely as possible.

1. The Leader: James Bond, while he hasn't traditionally been a leader and he works alone, he fits in with the League theme and he would handle controlling the team well I believe, he could come into his own quickly. He also fills the role of the guy with a boat, he could get a sweet boat for the team with Q, who would also supply their weapons.

2. The Rogue: Definitely Jason Bourne for this one. He is a killing machine and just wants to be left alone. He'd be annoyed about having to work with the League in the first place, but given enough pressure he'd do it for the good of the world.

3. The Woman of Mystery: Charlie McGee from Stephen King's Firestarter. She is beautiful blond woman who is not only a psychic and precognative, she can start fires with her mind. An older more controlled version of her would be useful in any League.

4. The Muscle: Louis de Pointe du Lac, from Anne Rice's vampire chronicles. He has a bit of humanity to him, which means he'd be willing to help and after the novel Merrik he is arguably one of the most powerful vampires in existence. He'd be an excellent addition to a League.

5. The Second Woman: Yes, my league has two women, I wanted another lady on the team, so sue me. Frau Totenkinder is my second choice. While I know it said no comics, she really isn't an action hero. Her levels of magic would fit in well and she would be able to give a great feel with her sarcastic manner and she'd but heads with Bond over control, constantly playing her own game most likely to help Fabletown while helping the League. Her powerful magics are a great asset to the team.

6. The Handler: Every team needs someone who gives them their missions and in this case following the old League theme and Bond leading, it has to be M. The modern female M just has a great air about her and I'd love to see her handing out missions as well as yelling at Bond. So yes that would be my full League.

bms.smith said...

my team has a few non-fiction team members in it but i hope it's allowed:

1. The Leader: James Bond. he clearly knows what he's doing, always thinks of a plan and has bested some of the most diabolical villains ever to threaten humanity.

2. The Rogue: Russel Brand. he gives the air of being a drugged up ladies man (which he is) but underneath that he is cunning and always seems to know what to do (just watch 'Get Him To The Greek')

3. The Muscle: Manu Tuilagi. a rugby player who was in the rugby world cup this year and he is an absolute machine, only 19 and one of the most promising players today, there is a video of him punching one of his opponents and i wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of one of those.

4. The Woman of Mystery: Alex Drake from Ashes to Ashes. being a police officer is a difficult job, but adding the inconvenience of being underestimated because you are a woman is even worse. Alex Drake, of the metropolitan police would be a definite asset to the league, she is a trained policewoman who solves crimes on a regular basis and would definitely improve the group dynamic.

5. The Guy with the Boat: Phileas Fogg. okay, so he doesn't have a boat, but he has an effective vehicle at his disposal, not to mention him being a very intelligent man and an explorer.

Unknown said...

I'll keep this in the literary genre

1. The Leader - Jack Ryan (Tom Clancy Novels) - After his presidency, goes in to retirement but secretly acts as the new leader of LXG

His minor side character
CIA Director Jake Grafton (Flight of the Intruder) and former US Navy Pilot and Vietnam Vet and good friends with President Ryan... Was appointed as Director of the CIA by then President Ryan.

2. Rogue - Max (Where the Wild Things Are) - he's a little older now but this kid still get's into trouble and has to go to his room with out supper. As the king of Where the Wild Things Are, he has the power to unleashes his subjects, the Wild Things; they cause all kinds of trouble..."Let the Wild Rumpus Start!!!"

His minor side character
Greg Heffley (Diary of a Wimpy Kid)...the only kid who understands Max and his "Wild" imagination. As a matter of fact, Greg's "Cheese Touch" actually works when he's around Max...EWWWW!!!

3. The Muscle - Mr. Clark (Tom Clancy Novels) - Jack Ryan is older now and not the "Ops" guy anymore, regardless, his muscle man is and always will be John Clark; the CIA operative and ex-Navy SEAL...what he did to those drug dealers in Without Remorse was brutal

His minor side character
Lisbeth Salander (The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo novel series) - Mr. Clark's new protégé. Intelligent with a bad case of rage

4. The Woman of Mystery - Kiki the Witch from (Witch's Express Home Delivery (novel) or Kiki's Delivery Service (Film)) - Kiki is now 14 and is ready to move on to another village, possibly take on an apprentice witch. Now more confident in her abilities, Kiki flies in unnoticed and wows the new citizens with her mysterious magical powers. But she meets a 12 year old girl who practices the special arts herself...

Her minor side character
...and the 12 year old is Hermione Jean Granger (Harry Potter) - Kiki and Hermoine hits it off like sisters. Now Hermoine has to decide to stay as an apprentice witch or go back to Hogwarts

5. The Guy with a boat - Captain Chen (World War Z), Capt of the ICBM Nuclear Submarine The Admiral Zhang, disgruntled with his Government, looking for a reason to defect...and not away from China or "TO" the west, but away from bureaucracy and stagnant political ideologies. A good Captain; his men respects him...again, he just needs some kind of significant event to spring his plan...a plan he see's in his dreams by two figures, one a tall man with an aura of evil and the other a short frail elderly lady...

His minor side characters
The tall man is Randall Flagg and the short elderly woman is Abigail Freemantle or "Mother Abigail" (both from Stephen King's The Stand). The entities tugg at Capt Chen's conscious, Flagg telling Chen that he has the power to change the world...with nukes, while Mother Abigale's vision pleads to Capt Chen to do the right thing for man kind

The Villain
Randall Flagg and the Morlocks (HG Wells Time Machine). Randall Flagg unleashes one Morlock to attack a village in China. The Morlock bites a young boy. The boy survives but turns into a zombie state resulting in Patient Zero mentioned in World War Z. Now Randall Flagg will use his army of zombies and Morlocks to destroy the world. Wilhelmina Harker is getting older and turns over the duties as leader of LXG to Jack Ryan. The former president has to assemble an extraordinary group of talented individuals to fight this evil threat